


Two Jedi and a Tentacle Monster

by citizenjess (givehimonemore)



Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Attempted Pregnant Sex, Discussion of Abortion, M/M, Mpreg, Other, Tentacle Monsters, Tentacle Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-20
Updated: 2013-03-20
Packaged: 2017-12-05 21:18:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/728032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/givehimonemore/pseuds/citizenjess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An encounter with a tentacled creature leaves Obi-Wan pregnant, and everybody else just really, really amused.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Jedi and a Tentacle Monster

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pronker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pronker/gifts).



> This was written for Jedi Mistletoe 2009 for pronker, who requested tentacle sex and MPREG. No, really. With immense gratitude to Wookieepedia for its help with dates and places.

Arbra was a foresty place, densely populated with foliage and furry little creatures called Hoojibs, which stared at Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker as if they'd never seen humanoids before when their ship fairly barreled into a grove of trees. At the very least, they were probably unfamiliar with the stream of Huttese obscenities that flowed from Anakin's mouth as he fell gracelessly out of the now-totaled cruiser.

"I hurt my finger," Anakin complained to Obi-Wan once his former Master was safely on the ground, having tucked and rolled from the now-smoking ship. Burnt shrapnel scented the area, and Obi-Wan's clothing was singed. The ship imploded, loudly and arduously behind them. Obi-Wan frowned at Anakin as soot coated his hair and robes.

"You'll live."

Anakin dusted himself off, not content enough with this not to complain. "Well, this is a rip," he balked. "We have no ship, no money -" their currency had been swiped on Omwat, to where the Jedi had been sent to alleviate from Separatist rule. Given Anakin's and Obi-Wan's current state, it was a safe bet that they'd failed. "I hope - aaahh," Anakin groaned as he held in a sneeze, his physiology reacting to all the dust; "I hope the Omwati like being pawns of kriffing Dooku."

Obi-Wan's expression was nonplussed. "Yes, well," he muttered, "They certainly aren't the only ones."

Anakin kicked a rock. "Least I still have my commlink," he groused. Obi-Wan, too, took out his own commlink, keying some data into the hand-held device.

"I think ... we're on Arbra," he murmured, his back to Anakin. He could hear his former apprentice mumble something like, "Tree world" and rolled his eyes. "It's about equidistant from Omwat and ... Naboo ..."

"I'll contact Naboo," Anakin said quickly, and began doing just that. With a sigh, Obi-Wan sent a quick note in Basic to the Council, notifying them very briefly what had transpired on Omwat, and that they wouldn't need Jedi assistance to get home, despite no longer having a ship. Secretly, he was relieved that he was not responsible for caring about how the war got funded. He had a feeling it wasn't any better a job than being constantly under siege just for carrying a lightsaber.

Anakin strode off into the trees as his correspondence with Naboo got under way. Obi-Wan's eyes narrowed. He could hardly tell Anakin not to talk to Padme - she was a valuable asset to the Order, and a good friend. At the same time, Anakin never quite knew where to draw the line, nor did he ever seem to care. Obi-Wan was certain that Anakin's Padawan, Ahsoka Tano had figured out that there was something strange about her Master's and Senator Amidala's "friendship". It was not something he felt that he needed to disclose. All the same, Ahsoka wasn't stupid, and Anakin wasn't careful. Eventually, something would have to give.

Lost in his thoughts, Obi-Wan did not immediately sense any danger. When he finally did, it was faint, more a general feeling of anxiety floating through the Force from a foreign origin than anything terribly notable. Obi-Wan called for Anakin a couple of times, but the other man was fully engrossed in schmoozing up Padme, and was well-hidden by Arbra's plant life. Cautiously, Obi-Wan began walking in another direction, ready to tug his lightsaber out of its holster if needed. Despite frequently being the target of homicide attempts for the sheer rationale of being a purposed Force user, his Jedi weapon had gotten him out of many scrapes, and likely would continue to do just that for many years to come.

It was some Hoojibs that he encountered first, skittish and running about in no particular pattern or direction, a ways further into the woods. A few of them hung from the leafy branches of trees that Obi-Wan passed. They did not hiss at him or seem angry at or scared of his presence, but they nonetheless seemed ... fearful.

Obi-Wan heard a screeching sound, and suddenly he had his answer. He didn't see all of the creature at first, merely a stray tentacle here and there. It was enough to put him in full fight-or-flight mode, however. "Anakin!" he called, unsheathing his lightsaber. "Anakin! Where are you?"

The creature revealed itself more fully. Huge and green, it had a large, gaping mouth that made mucousy sounds when it opened and closed, likely in hunger or interest in its newfound prey. Its tentacles protruded from its sides and back, and its eyes (only two, apparently) glowed red. Tiny antennas sat atop the creature, though neither appeared to do anything important. Obi-Wan imagined the antennas were for taste or smell, but he assumed the creature - whatever it was - could eat quite well without the sensory enhancement.

Tentacles slid near him. "ANAKIN!" Obi-Wan yelled, and began punching in Anakin's access code on his commlink. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched the creature pick up a Hoojib with one of its many limbs and shovel it into its mouth. The furry Hoojib screamed as it was eaten alive. "Anakin, get over here now," Obi-Wan fairly yelled into the commlink as Anakin's annoyed visage appeared. "There is something - yah - something eating the inhabitants of this planet."

"Why'd you yell?" Anakin's voice was a slow drawl, one that he reserved for Padme and after he'd had a bit too much to drink at the Outlander. Obi-Wan had no patience for it today, particularly not when the green creature spit out some Hoojib bones and began reaching towards him anew. He moved backwards curtly.

"See for yourself," Obi-Wan said, and began turning the commlink around so that Anakin could realize that he had no interest in his former Padawan's shenanigans. As he tried to do just that, however, the creature shot a tentacle out, faster than it looked like it would be capable of. Obi-Wan's commlink flew out of his hands, landing in some brush. "Oh," he said sourly.

The creature roared. Its breath smelled sour, like Anakin after a weekend on leave, magnified by about a thousand. "Ugh," Obi-Wan said. "Dreadful." The creature advanced on him, its tentacles swaying and wiggling in his face. Obi-Wan assumed he'd be able to simply move away from it into the trees, but realized after a few half-hearted dodges and an impending feeling of being trapped amongst the foliage that this was exactly what the creature had anticipated that he would do. Nearby, he noticed some Hoojibs scurrying further and further up trees. He had a feeling the creature's large, membranous wings would have allowed it to take chase via the air if it was really inspired to. Obi-Wan decided not to make worse of an already bad situation - best not to make himself even more of a target.

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan yelled again, fruitlessly. A tentacle reached out and wrapped around his thigh. He was able to pry it off - it was slimy, and offered the creature a surprisingly strong grip. He groaned and reached for his lightsaber, ready to end this game. Still yet, the creature sensed that he meant to harm it; a tentacle wrapped around the handle of his weapon, then two, then three, and then a few slimy limbs curled around his wrist. Obi-Wan moved to switch the lightsaber on, but the creature pried it successfully from his hand, and suddenly held it aloft as more and more tentacles wrapped around Obi-Wan's other arm, his legs, and even torso.

The creature hoisted him up into the air easily, its tentacles dancing around it. Obi-Wan tried to Force-shove it, and even made a grab for his lightsaber, but the creature's grip was tight. A single slimy arm wrapped loosely around Obi-Wan's neck and he gasped, panicked. "N-no, that's quite all right," he choked out, and was privately thankful when the creature did not seem to intend to squeeze the life out of him. The tentacle around his neck remained, but did not attempt to choke him.

"Anakinnnn," he called again when he had a bit more power in his lungs. It felt futile, but he couldn't believe he was in mortal peril while his former Padawan was off exchanging love letters with Senator Amidala. "Anakin, the karking Senator will be there to-karking-morrow," he ranted, knowing that the tentacle creature was his only audience and not caring at this point. "In the meantime, you could at least pretend to do your job and -"

"Hey, Master."

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan's voice was accusatory, particularly when his apprentice looked so offensively nonchalant at the sight that should have, at the very least, startled him. "Well," Obi-Wan said sarcastically, "It appears I'm being held captive by this creature."

"Yup," Anakin affirmed. He peered at it, his face poorly hiding his bemusement. "That's a big tentacle monster, Master."

Obi-Wan grunted as he was dangled in the air and swung around a bit against his will. "Do you think you might possibly find the time to assist me?"

Anakin pursed his lips, appearing to consider this as a serious question with choices. "Mmm, that's a tough one," he said, and then his eyes lit up. "By the way, Padme said 'hi'."

"Anakin, I don't kriffing care what Padme said, although if she's bringing a ship here to take us back to Coruscant, that would be very nice. I -" he let out a gurgled gasp as the tentacles began crawling into yet-unexplored parts of his person. "No, get off," he instructed, and squirmed, but to little avail. "Anakin, if you value anything in this blasted universe, including your own livelihood, you will help me this instant."

Anakin smirked. "Well, when you put it that way ..." he drawled. Dutifully, he retrieved his own lightsaber, turning it on and readying it to free his former Master. Hearing the noise, the creature snarled and, still holding Obi-Wan in its clutches, waved a few tentacles warningly in front of Anakin. He slashed at them with his lightsaber, succeeding in cutting the end of one off.

The creature roared in pain, and Obi-Wan groaned. "It's - aaahh, squeezing m-me," he gasped, and then he was wrestling frantically in the tentacle monster's grip. "No, no, not my pants, there is no reason to be going in th- aaahh! Anakin! Anakin, help!" Obi-Wan's movements were spastic now. His eyes bugged out, and all dignity left him as a slimy tentacle reached into his trousers and slid disgustingly across his ass crack. "Anakin, it's ... touching me," Obi-Wan yelled. "Do something!"

Alternately, Anakin continued hacking at the creature's tentacles, narrowly avoiding being picked up by what appeared to be a giant, amorous monster. "I think it likes you," he called up to Obi-Wan cheekily. Obi-Wan's tunic was awry, the creature having wrapped spare bits of itself around his former Master's bare chest and shoulder. The other man was being held aloft in an awkward position, and though Anakin tried to take the rescue attempt seriously, he was admittedly struck with the urge to laugh every few seconds.

Obi-Wan, for his part, was not finding his capture and subsequent molestation by tentacle monster nearly as funny as Anakin. He fairly sobbed as the creature's tentacles continued sliding over him, his face and feet and groin and chest and waist; his head jerked sharply to the side as one wiggled all too happily towards, and even into, his mouth. "Just kriffing KILL it already, Anakin!" he rasped as he spat out bits of sour fluid that had managed to find their way onto his tongue. "It's not, ugh, it's not that hard!"

Taking a bit of a running leap, Anakin propelled himself overhead, grabbing onto a tree branch for support. He flew towards the ground on the opposite side of the tentacle beast, slashing at the main limb holding Obi-Wan afloat as he did so. Landing neatly on his feet, he continued his barrage of attacks, even managing to stab the creature in its meaty side. A pungent aroma filled the immediate vicinity, and brownish liquid dripped out of the nonetheless small wound that Anakin's lightsaber had made.

The creature shrieked and dropped Obi-Wan, who tugged his clothing nominally back into place and took off running. Anakin did a double-take. "Hey, wait for me," he called after his Master, who was already an impressive distance away.

"I hope ... it ... eats you," Obi-Wan retorted, not bothering to look behind him.

*

They were secured safely in a small, narrow cave when Padme arrived. The creature had wandered off after the first hour or so of wiggling its many tentacles at them through the cave's opening, though Anakin and Obi-Wan could still hear the shrieks of the natives and, probably worse, the faint crunching of their bones and skulls.

Padme managed to make it to the mouth of the cave without incident, a fact which served to put Obi-Wan into an even worse mood than he already was. Padme kind of gasped and hid a smirk at the sight of the disheveled Jedi Master, his torn robes and leggings that the creature had laid claim to. That Obi-Wan's hair was mussed in a parody of what could have been his 'morning after' look made the state of him even funnier.

"Good to see you, Senator," he said curtly, and shoved past both her and Anakin, striding quickly and warily towards Padme's ship.

Anakin leaned in to his secret wife; he chanced squeezing her hand in greeting. "Master Obi-Wan is very grumpy today," he told her conspiratorially. In spite of herself, she giggled.

*

"Would you like some hot tea, Master Kenobi?"

"No. Thank you."

"C'mon, Master, you know you love it."

"I said 'no, thank you', Anakin."

"It's not even that piece o' bantha dung stuff you drink at Dex's all the time. It's like, fresh from Naboo. Maste~er ..."

"Anakin, I am prepared to force Senator Amidala to turn this ship around and leave you behind."

"Sounds like someone's just cranky after a romp with the mother of all tentacle mons-"

"ANAKIN SHUT UP, I KRIFFING MEAN IT. SHUT UP. STOP TALKING, NOW."

"-Tentacle monster."

*

Obi-Wan was always struck with polar opposite emotions whenever he saw his childhood friend, Bant. On one hand, the Mon Calamari was a cherished confidante. On the other hand, as he generally saw her only in the Healers' Ward where she spent the bulk of her time, their visits were rarely on the best of circumstances.

This was one of those times. "Well, we've run the tests," Bant offered. Her voice was soft and friendly, and Obi-Wan tried not to clench his jaw in anticipation of the news. "Some of the creature's, erm, fluid seeped into your blood stream, probably through an unprotected orifice or a scratch. The good news is, it's not fatal."

"See, Master, told you it'd be fine," Anakin bragged. Obi-Wan considered upending Bant's clipboard with the Force and chucking it at Anakin's head. He restrained himself.

Bant's face was yet apologetic. She cleared her throat. "On the other hand," she offered, speaking very carefully, "The fluid was, well, reproductive in nature. It also has the same effect on humanoids, despite gender. Obi-Wan, I'm afraid ... well, you're pregnant."

"Pregnant?" Obi-Wan choked.

"Are you sure?" Padme gasped, her hand cupped politely over her mouth.

Anakin couldn't believe it either. "Whoa, the tentacle monster knocked you up?" he brayed. His chortling lasted several long, uncomfortable moments, eventually drawing the attention of some of the Ward's other patients and workers alike. "Hey, Master Vos," Anakin greeted as Quinlan Vos' tell-tale dreads came into view. "How's it hangin'?"

"Might wanna ask Oafy that," Quinlan greeted. Obi-Wan gritted his teeth. "Yeah, you've got some birth-bearing hips, you'll be fine," he said approvingly.

Obi-Wan's voice was clipped. "What are you doing here, Quin?" he asked, white-knuckling the examining room table. He was in no mood for teasing. Unfortunately, he was surrounded by two of the Order's biggest pranksters.

Quinlan shrugged. "Dehydration," he responded airily.

Bant coughed. "From alcohol poisoning," she added.

"Awesome," Anakin grinned.

"Yeah, it was pretty cool. I come here every other weekend and they pump me full o' fluids." Anakin looked at Quin admiringly, as if he'd just shat a podracer. Padme looked torn regarding whether or not she was allowed to look like she was enjoying herself. Fortunately, Bant saved her from wrongly emoting.

"In any case," Bant continued calmly, shooting a warning glance at both Anakin and Quin, who were high-fiving, "We can't, er, remove the fetus."

"What! Why not?" Obi-Wan looked furious.

Bant took a breath. She seemed to look taller; she was used to people trying to push her around, the harbinger of bad news. "The creature -"

"Do you know what kind of tentacle monster it is?" Anakin cut in.

Bant frowned at him. "As a matter of fact, we do. The creature is a Slivilith. It is not native to any particular planet, including Arbra, where you landed". ("Tree world," Anakin muttered again, his own in-joke.) "Very little appears to be known about it otherwise." She winked at Obi-Wan. "Madam Nu says she hopes you feel better, by the way."

Obi-Wan groaned inwardly. Madam Nu was the last person on a very long list of people he'd just as soon never know that he'd been molested by a tentacle mon- by a Slivilith.

"Anyways," Bant said hurriedly, "When the creature, er, makes a connection with someone, its seed quickly infuses itself with the other party's vital organs."

Obi-Wan couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Meaning?" he asked curtly, shooting daggers at Anakin, who snickered when he heard the word "seed".

"Meaning," Bant finished, "If we try to remove the Slivilith fetus before it's ready to be removed, you will die."

Everyone appeared to process this. Finally, Quinlan provided some levity by grabbing an empty container from a nearby tray and raising it in the air. "A toast, to Oafy," he smirked. "When's the baby shower?"

Bant put a bracing hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder before the slighter man could launch himself at, well, anyone. "The gestation period for a Slivilith fetus is three months," she informed them. She inclined her head slightly, her expression far more sympathetic than anyone else's. "In the meantime, we'll just try to make the best of it."

"Yeah, Master, it'll be fun," Anakin chirped. He withered a bit under glares from Obi-Wan, Padme, and Bant. "What?" he shrugged. "Nobody was nice to me when I got groped by a tentacle monster."

"I'm not even going to ask," Padme sighed.

*

Ahsoka Tano was meditating with her fellow Padawan, Barriss Offee when there was a knock on her door. She narrowed her eyes when she glimpsed her Master through the peephole. "Oh good, you're back," she said flatly as Anakin barreled into the room at the tiniest sliver of an opening.

Anakin grinned. "You know you missed me." He leered at Barriss. "How's it goin'?" he asked. Both of them blinked at him noncommittally. He waved his hand. "So uh, I have some news that maybe, er, someone shouldn't be here for," he said, eyeing Barriss.

The green-skinned Padawan stood up. "Do you need me to leave, Master Skywalker?" she asked politely, dusting herself off.

"Well, unless you want to hear all about how Master Obi-Wan is pregnant," Anakin shrugged, buffing his nails on his shirt.

Ahsoka sighed. "What? No, wait ..." She appeared to think about this for several seconds. "Okay. What?"

Anakin held up a hand, enjoying the dramatic set-up to a tale he'd nonetheless told to pretty much everyone he ran into, much to Obi-Wan's chagrin. "First, Barriss, do I have your word that you won't repeat this to anyone?" he asked pointedly.

"Sure," Barriss shrugged, looking bewildered. "I guess."

"Okay, I guess you're good for it," Anakin nodded, stroking his chin. "S'okay, me and Master Obi-Wan were on this strange planet for like a minute, and then we get attacked by this crazed tentacle beast ..."

*

Three months was a long time when there was a war raging. Obi-Wan, for his part, would have loved to simply throw himself into yet more military strategies and missions, but the creature he was carrying was expected to grow much larger than the average humanoid infant, and he quickly found himself grateful for the Council's promise - through snickers; he never thought he'd see the day when Masters Yoda and Windu giggled into their hands like female younglings - that he was relieved from anything larger than paperwork for the duration of his pregnancy.

In the meantime, Obi-Wan had read up on the Slivilith, trying to find a way around carrying it to term. The very idea of it was ridiculous to him, but after huffing down to the Archives to see Madam Nu's research for himself - during which the old bat had told him, through out-and-out laughter, that if she hadn't found any additional information about the creature-in-question, it almost certainly did not exist - he was forced to admit that he was stuck in this rather unique and humiliating predicament for the time being.

He began showing quickly. He'd grown up in the Temple, exercising daily, and was not used to the extra weight around his middle. It made him hungrier, more tired, and cranky. His ankles swelled, and his back hurt. Initially, he was asked to return to the Healer's Ward for daily check-ups, but after noting his visible weight gain, Bant quickly decided that she would send a Healer-in-training to Obi-Wan and Anakin's shared quarters in the afternoons to take his measurements and stats in a more discreet fashion. He almost burst into tears at the news; then he proceeded to spend the ensuing half hour stomping around the apartment, angry enough to want to claw at the very walls. Finally, he'd collapsed in a heap in the living room, exhausted from the whirlwind of emotions.

It was a lonely time. As many Jedi as the Temple could spare were out in the fields, fighting in the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan being an unorthodox inconvenience. Occasionally, Senator Bail Organa and even Padme would contact him, when they could spare a few minutes. Padme had trouble making eye-contact, but was generally polite. Bail, whose wife Breha seemed to be constantly having fertility issues, was able to offer suggestions: Herbs to help with the aches and pains, clothing styles and colors that would be more flattering, etc.

Stubbornly, Obi-Wan remained in his Jedi tunic until his belly became too large to completely close it. He tried to wear Anakin's tunics after that, but quickly outgrew them. Finally, Ahsoka trotted over under strict orders of secrecy with several white, oversized shirts from the Healer's Ward. She glanced at her Grand-Master's stretch-marked stomach and smiled at him politely. Then she boiled some tea, and babbled about her Galactic Geography class and how her katas training was going until Anakin arrived at his and Obi-Wan's apartment.

"I've got a surprise for you," he sing-songed, and frowned slightly at Ahsoka. "I didn't know you'd be here," he said pointedly. Slightly miffed, the Togruta teen made haste, slamming the door a little behind her. "So, now that she's gone ..." Anakin trailed off as he tugged a pile of material out of the satchel that hung from one shoulder. "Ta-da!" he exclaimed, and held it up: A pale-blue night-gown, embroidered with beads for sleeves.

"What is that," Obi-Wan said flatly. It was not a question.

"It's Padme's," Anakin explained. "She said she's been collecting pregnancy clothing and supplies for 'when the time is right', uh, whatever that means, and she said you could use this. But," he added, waggling a finger knowingly, "She'll need it back."

Obi-Wan eyed the shiny, feminine garment dubiously. "I think I'll pass," he said.

"Awww." Anakin pouted. "You don't like it?"

"Not on me," Obi-Wan replied swiftly.

*

Anakin tried to have sex with his pregnant Master only once. It was a valiant attempt, and also a sneaky one, Anakin having come in from a late night at the Outlander to schmooze up Obi-Wan. "He~ey, sexy," he whispered drunkenly in Obi-Wan's ear. The other man, curled on his side, was nothing short of ballistic as soon as Anakin's finger trailed clumsily betwixt his butt cheeks. Memories of that fateful day came quickly to the forefront of his mind, and soon he was flailing and punching and kicking his former apprentice for all that he was worth.

"Ow, OW! M-Master, ow, stop it, it's - OWWW, that was my unit - it's just m-ow - me!" He quickly rolled off of the bed, landing in a standing position, holding his arms in front of himself protectively.

Obi-Wan panted, clutching the blankets around himself tightly. "No means no, Anakin," he gasped, his eyes wild. "I mean it."

"Always 'no'?" Anakin asked. Obi-Wan held up a palm as if to toss him from his current position into the wall using the Force, and he cowered. "Okay, okay. I'ma go sleep on th' couch," he grumbled.

*

"Hey wow, Oafy, you don't look that fat at all," Garen Muln complimented. Obi-Wan, two weeks shy of birthing a baby Slivilith that Bant's Healer's Ward assistant had assured him excitedly was "very healthy", just glowered at him.

"What's he doing here?"

Anakin hurried to make peace. "He's here for your baby shower, Master," he said chidingly, and then elbowed Garen. "I warned you not to talk about how he looked," he hissed.

Garen shrugged. "I'd still hit it." Obi-Wan rolled his eyes.

Everyone in attendance was friends of Obi-Wan's or Anakin's. A few of them had brought presents, and several had simply seen the gathering as an excuse to get drunk and were well on their way by the time someone suggested that Obi-Wan open his gifts. Scowling, the slight man was nonetheless grateful when pillows were placed behind his back so that his sitting position on the low-slung couch was not too uncomfortable.

The first gift was from Padme, who had brought him a matching towel set. "Oh, Master, isn't that wonderful?" Anakin cooed. He made eyes at the former Queen of Naboo. "What do you say, Master?"

Obi-Wan sighed. "It's very nice," he admitted. "But considering that I'm not going to keep the, er, whatever comes out of me, it was not really necessary to bring presents."

"Master!" Anakin gasped. "Are you saying that you're considering adoption?" He reached over and cradled the sides of Ahsoka's face. "Sensitive ears, Obi-Wan."

"I don't have ears," Ahsoka offered, struggling to get out of arms' reach.

"Irregardless," Anakin scoffed, "adoption is a punishment for you and the child. You might as well be having an abortion."

Obi-Wan blinked. "I mean, if I could get rid of the Slivilith without killing myself in the process, I would do that," he shrugged.

"Master, are you saying you would kill your own baby if you had the chance?" Anakin asked, looking horrified.

Obi-Wan sighed. "Yes," he growled. "That is exactly what I'm saying." He watched Quinlan pour shots for everyone and reached for one.

"Now you're going to give it brain damage with your alcoholism!" Anakin cried. Padme put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Obi-Wan put the shot glass back untouched, wanting to be able to expect an end to this conversation in the current century. Inwardly, he vowed to pay Anakin back for this, whenever the opportunity arose.

*

When it was determined that the fetus had detached itself enough from Obi-Wan's internal organs enough to be removed from his body without harming him, Obi-Wan made the trip to the Healer's Ward. The seat belt in his trusty speeder was too small to accommodate him, and Anakin's piloting had apparently not gotten any smoother since Obi-Wan had ridden with him last. At the very least, he was pleased that some of his puke managed to get on Anakin's boots.

Bant and several Healer's Ward attendants situated him on a table; he was naked at this point. Reassuringly, Bant told him that they were going to put him under while they removed the creature from his stomach. The last image he saw was Anakin's face, grinning at him overhead. Obi-Wan wanted to punch it and never stop.

He awoke an hour or so later. His abdominal muscles hurt, but he could tell immediately that he was no longer carrying roughly thirty pounds of Slivilith infant around his middle. He relaxed a bit on the table, and then his eyes narrowed when Anakin came into his line of view, still smiling.

"Bant says all your vital signs are great," his former Padawan informed him. On cue, Bant walked into the room, carrying something wrapped in blankets. A tiny tentacle snaked out, and Obi-Wan recoiled. Respectfully, Bant kept it at a safe distance.

Bravely, Anakin stepped closer to the Mon Calamari, staring down at the bundle. "Oh look, Master, it's got your eyes," he cooed. When Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at him in pointed silence, he shrugged. "Well, kind of." The Slivilith infant made gurgling sounds, indicating that it was, in fact, alive and well. "I still don't understand why you would want to give it up for adoption, Master," he said disapprovingly.

"Would you like to hold it, Master Skywalker?" Bant asked, extending her arms a little.

"Ew, no, I don't want to be molested. That thing is disgusting."

*

Twenty years later, give or take:

Leia sighed as her fellow rebels made careful rounds. Arbra would be a fine secret base for their cause, but it came equipped with a tentacle monster that a planet native, Plif, implied that they would need to get rid of first. So far, it hadn't proven very easy. Burtt, one of their officers, had nearly been killed trying to take it down, and Luke, for all his bragging about gunning down small animals on a sand farm in the middle of nowhere, had not yet come up with any brilliant sort of way to get rid of the thing.

A loud yell startled the Princess of Alderaan from her reverie. "Little help here!" Han yelled, having been caught up in the creature's massive grip. Behind her, Leia heard Chewbacca scrabbling to compile a bunch of geothermal crystals that they'd found in a cave into some sort of weapon.

"We're going as fast as we can, Han!" Leia called. She watched the creature tug at the smuggler's ratty utility belt, even wrap a slimy tentacle around Han's neck and chest, and stifled a giggle. "Just ... just hang in there," she offered. She heard Luke snort.

Han heard it, too. "Yeah, yeah, that's real funny, kid," he said acerbically. He jerked his head around sharply as the Slivilith, now fully grown, made its mother proud by trying to plant a wiggling limb inside Han's mouth. He spat angrily. "Come on, someone, hurry," he rasped. "I think it's trying to get in my pants." Chewy made an appreciatively lewd comment that nobody else understood. "Ew, buddy. Not cool," Han frowned, and then squirmed. "Aaahh! Okay, stop fooling around, you nerfherder! Help!"

Safely ensconced in the Force, Obi-Wan Kenobi watched the scene unfold. He smirked.


End file.
